For Teek

                                                                
                                                     I

We are all assholes

Indeed we are

It hurts like hell

That feeling as if

Something is strangling

Me so hard

That I can’t seem to feel alive AGAIN

If all those who love each other could be together and all those who yearn for each other each other could express the same .Those barriers for that matter …they keep us so much apart …so much away….they cause so much hurt…so much pain.

This world has created enormous distances…as distances distance me from you.

How does it leave hope for survival of the world

For the sake of life that runs in the veins of the eternity all around me

Oh Dear Mighty  ! Let Peace prevail  ! Let there be light

Take my love …Give my love

Let it share

But how can that be if that is not it

You brake speed at every sign

Why every step sanctions divine

When I don’t feel a God beneath

When security disguises as religious shrine

Comes knocking at the door of my oblivion

I don’t know where went the fairies

They were always here with me

They were always here with me

Lullabying  me to sleep.

                                      II

Ok Listen

I’m very tensed

I know how I always bug you

How I always shock you

And then distance myself

Is it a game kind of thing ?hm?

Alright

Because I know men are donkeys

I hate them for that

Crazy they are

Idiotic I feel

I miss you like heavens miss hell

Like rains miss monsoons

Like we idiots miss face book

Like I miss staring at your updates on face book

As I miss you through this pain

It hurts each second

As I try to prove my worthiness…my decency

I am tired of this exercise…of this entire proving business….

As in why do I feel I have to

As I stand before myself facing theses clouds

As I keep digging into the unearthed rocks

The dire need for erosions struck me not once not twice but again..

This trust was always the most difficult thing to give

But as I look around this world of humans

How complex…why does it have to be so many of us….like too many cooks spoiling the broth or what?

Have we made it for ourselves Just how?

Is the world of that cute little jerky ant seriously as complex?

I wish I knew.

Thus.

As I write thus

As I go to sleep

As I lie down in bed

As I stare at your face book page.

As I stare at your DPs

As I go on all my trips tours and travels

Sitting in that ruthlessly cold and honest train

Through the awesome night –time discussions

Through that difficult scary night at Panna you would never know.

Through the long late night walks ,conversations, awesome things

I wish you were here

I wish you were just there

Sitting bullshitting

Laughing crapping writing

Observing secretly smiling that jhandu way you always did

But still I wish you were just there

Here.

                                                      III

Insomnia for instance….no wait !

Will you take responsibilty for her dark circles…..

Jerk !!!!!
Princesses have to be goodlooking and youthful you idiot!!!!!!!!!!
I know yours is an extremely busy life
but I am telling you a cute little princess is facing a lot of issues because of you....

                                                         IV

Hey I  miss you every moment …every millimoment

Every draconian time

I don’t know what to say

I am so saaaaad

My life becomes recklessly ruckus without you

I am sad because I know a lot of my desperations might just be a façade

May only be a dream…another fantasy…

Who knows!

But still as my heart craves for more

All the practicalities came rushing by

And I attempted to let them take over me

I wasn’t surprised by the futility of the attempt as I bring myself to realize again and again

That I was never meant to be grounded

Oh dear piscse! Help me breathe…….

                                                V

Because I want a man

Who loves me as much as I love him

If not more

I want a man who tears apart at the sight of me walking away

As much as I do

Because I want a man

Who misses me as intensely as I miss him

Because I want a man who treasures every moment spent with me

As much as I do

And if this can’t be

Let me be single.

Pangs of Jealousy and Acceptance

Well she is not exactly the unfortunate types.Infact she is awesome,his types!Dunno but certainly awesome!Infact actually its so great as it means lesser misery in this world,but then how does she manage to be better than me.I hate her for that!She’s not supposed to be so good!It’s not my fault that I melt at the slightest provocation,Its not my fault that I seemingly don’t have a life,It’s not my fault that I am such a loner who goes on receding into her shell……Why does she have to be so much better than me! More so,why does she have to be so nice to everyone?even me????Infact how does she manage to be so nice?I’m sad.

She’s just like him.Infact she suits him.Much better.She is very compatible with him.I think they will see it if they haven’t seen it till now that living together for them will be as simple as breathing.I have never felt this way!Infact its great that they can find love in each other,it’s a great achievement if anyone can do it to each other,but it comes as a surprise.I feel lost as always,but then those were supposed to be my own problems no!

Cmmon….all I feel is lifelessness all around.And acceptance has become a struggle.really!I wonder if it were always so…but no! I don’t think so .

I feel sad sad and sad.

And lost lost and lost.

Actually today I don’t feel that bad.But yesterday,just before sleeping ,a realization came over me.It lasted more than a moment actually.More than many seconds.And then I was fast asleep.And today amidst the hassles of waking up,I was reminded of that intuition,if that was what it is.And it was like something dawned upon me which I hadn’t been able to see because of curtains…and of course because of lack of communication and distances .Oh! Well IF he isn’t as complicated as me or maybe as he claims to be,the truth is he doesn’t love me.Maybe he never did.Whats the point.ASS I AM.I know ….koi nahi hota hai…but yaar bahut dard deke jaata hai.I miss you like hell.And I’m jealous….it grows with time.She has a firmness about her,in that sense she may not suit you…but you never know.She is definitely what I am not.

Love

Mischelle

Strands of Decency

Oh! how to describe
How you behave Now it seems like

how well have you acclimatize yourself

in this strange deceptive world
I don't get it
I seriously feel this world is a misfit and you even more
But I awe at the way you  meander your way through this mayhem.Well,I'm surprised.

I just now saw a tall decent gentleman dressed in a nice suit carrying a nice bag,but you know he' a misfit.As in the suit doesn't suit him.He looks straight ahead ,but his eyes are on a lookout for something else....a faraway land.Oh! Stop it......
but for something else in people I mostly guess.But he's quite tolerant ...infact has become of things &people who just don't seem alike.

I seriously am clueless about the struggle ;quite ignorant of this tussle in a man's world .But I wonder if we were to shake off the dusty blanket from your body ,carefully and gently and carefully uncover your face,I think we would discover a different you.A very different you.

But one thing I seriously admire you for ....as in the way you sweet talk peple ,the way you let babies sleep to the tunes of decency....but the truth is ...they are going to realize soon .Anyway it was only a tune ....not tangible enough.Not proof enough.
But then what proof do we want ?What proof do I need?For what....Life had been tumultous enough.These shades that I see ....fading into eternity....I wonder often ,what it takes to try and be one with it......

Sleeplessly sleepless

Well I am not really the kind of person who talks in facts and points and parenthesis, but the thing is I am just feeling a little factual right now:

Well I wonder how much I have started sleeping……I have never been a disciplined person ….much lesser as far as timely and proper sleep was concerned….but now  I’m surprised,how much do I sleep.Infact even a 6 hour sleep doesn’t suffice when previously even 5 hours would do well…..I am surprised how I dutifully go to bed by 10 or 11 only to be able to wake up at 7:30 .Well,I’m surprised.I sleep a lot nowadays.somewhere,it feels good to be able to reach college on time,but then I feel numb.A lot.My entire being goes numb.There are times when after a day of lot of work,I still can’t sleep as even when I like the work my mind goes numb.There is an expanse of hollow loneliness which surrounds you as you try to bid this world goodbye to sleep.Insomnia troubles a lot but thankfully it is rare…..and surprisingly after such spells of insomnia ,I don’t feel deprived of sleep at all next morning.

Life ...its amazing sometimes….as in I amazes me a lot.I’m surprised I feel so numb nowadays,I don’t know why….I can’t know why.nevertheless I feel  numb And I don’t know what to do.I don’t feel anything.I can’t understand anything.all I gauge is dints of things which render me bewildered and perplexed and sometimes also make me look like a fool to my minds’ eyes.

Actually I’m just forcing myself to write  bullshit .Don’t even feel any muse.And no muse means bad writing.
So I’ll just shut up and perhaps catch up a nice romantic flick.

Chal ceeya.

Love

Mischelle

<3

Heights......

Oh Heights !

Why do I fear you so much.....
I cannot stand you
Cannot control ....oh Heights ! I am powerless
I always wanted to overcome you......I already have I guess taken the first step towards independence....first step towards breaking free
I am not the same

I won't be the same....
life is about risks
Just can't break free from the challenge of pisces

oh !Why am I such a girl sometimes...
Is it girly to not to be able to bear those barbaric gory sights?
Is it girly not to be able to withstand any pain?any blood?
Is it girly to want things to be twinkling and lovely?
Oh is it being like a hundred percent female?
The sin of being a pisces? Oh ! shall I call it sin?If not then what?
Its made me needy.......left me weak...weak willed.......a weak pesonality
What to do?I'm lost....
I wish I could be able to say with pride that I will go rock climbing ....sky diving....but I can't
I am scared.....I am too scared
Do angels fear to plunge in...????pisceans do.....
I sometimes wish I had the courage to walk up the entire snow clad hills and mountains......I wish I had the choice to do that alone cause I have understood noone is made for anyone....everyone is made for themselves....and there would be noone to take me by hand.....to those everlasting expanse of heights....my friend did it ...that enthusiastic adventurous resilient Shaily....she took me by hand down the dangerous  rocky mountaineous  valleys....she led me and I loved it ....it was so comfortable.....to be able to rely trustfully on someone so strong......so self assured a girl as Shaily .....Girl! She is something of a person....One of the most courageous girls I have  ever met...and a courageous person toooooo.....
But I always loose my senses ...it seems always as if I have lost a part of something....I wonder sometimes if that has something to do with a fish's affinity to water....but then even waterfalls ....cold waterfalls...I think even thet sent a chill down my spine....
i never realized as a child...I was afraid of heights.....dreaded afraid of heights......Oh ! What is it??????I never seem to get it
Heights......!!!!!!!!Yummy.......I want to come to you....but can't seem to....what to do?????? 

Desperation.......................................................................................

I understand now the meaning of desperation...man ! real desperation
I knew it before but I could always do something about it.....this time I can't....u know these self faith and self confidence are amazing things to possess....they are important and if u don't have them...girl ! life is difficuilt! Courage is another important thing...infact very very important ...shy people don't stand anywhere....I need a rabbit...a pet rabbit...I don't think I will survive in this cruel brutal world of humans....I need one please I do.I dunno I'm helpless.....I need comfort....loads of it.....where do I go....I am lost...lost lost and lost....forever.....and I'm dying I want to be in the water.....to breathe in those waters in the middle of those jungles.......loving mesmerizing sleeping sheltered deep under the roofshed of tall loving green treesssssss....
love
mischelle

My Sweet Little Play School....oh ! sorry Home

Here I must mention a few things.I have always been angry about things,excessively much recently,and always hurled abuses at people things everything everyone around me.....at the air around me......and all my notes recently had a reflection of anger pitted out in them.....and I'm stuck there.I don't know why....

I want to be less angry....lesser disturbed....lesser freaked out.These mood swings .....this repetitive recession into my shell......this need for warmth......this lost control over life......its all killing me.

Well I was wondering how ambitious I used to be.....how driven to different things......how much committed to my work..........Always initiating different things....never feeling that shallowness....those irritable burdens....never lazy.....but now ????I have become a shirker.......I avoid work?I used to do things....work ...everything mindlessly....but now I don't.If I don't like it,I don't do it.That's that.And that's it.Thats being lazy.That's being lovely.And that's being fair to myself.And that's being able to breathe at the end of it all.....But yes I miss love.....and it drives me crazy......stupid....as in I wonder if there is an animal in us all....we all are barbaric in some sesnse or the other....actually innately barbaric....and all of us possess the ability of insurmountable love....and to stray as well in search of love and wramth and protection and peace.We are all assholes never to realize that.Actually see??????I told you ....anger reflected in all my notes!I am surprised at myself.....how can i be so angry.....so ridiculously barbaric......hurling abuses mindless abuses at everyone I come across.....Am i so angry with life...??so angry with my sunsign which made me so shy and compassionate ?I am surprised!
anyways hahaha....I wanted to share about my nursery school dream and here I start talking other bullshit stuff...I always felt as if I wanted to open a nursery school....better still a play school....and love my babies all day.Everything will be so pleasant ands warm and loving and gentle and innocent.I want to love my babies....as in hug them all day.....and sit in sun....we all have needs man! needs to love and to be loved !And this is neglected to a large extent in a deeply conservative country like ours...trust me in every form.....as in our way of greeting ...notions and prejudices...actually its all a different story of regulation of sexuality by society and religion by different coercive and strategic methods.The state is intelligent...isn't it?
Anyhow I love babies.and i don't want them to feel secluded all alone or unloved for any reason....I want them all to grow into contented ,happy and liberated individuals...irrespective of all reasons....with good physical and mental health.And I want to love them in every way possible...so that they don't feel unloved later.Ofcourse you know society is going to pounce upon them and impose its coercive standards upon them.....but before that I wish to help them realize their own potential....I won't have to teach them anything...I know its there within them already.I want them to feel loads of love from this age itself,its important you know it is.Actually hopefully they must already have been basking in love in their mommies' womb since 9 months and more after that....but they need to be constantly loved later on as well......and I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them stupid bullshit standards of society....actually I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them anything....even those babies have a right ....to discover their own place ....their own role...their own sense and interpretation of morality and sexuality....and I don't want oldies to interfere and decide for them....infact if parents were willing to let go off their children....let them grow independently in communians.....they will be better more inclusive and happier individuals.......parent are selfish and they are the ones standing in their children's path.....in way of their realizations.....Actually I wonder if I would be able to do that myself as a parent....as a single parent !?Did you notice I had been using the word 'my' for babies....as in do I possess them or what ...can't they have better sense of growing....just because they are babies?....no! but  just wanted to help....No! diksha its never yours...stop being possessive.....I wish to try and undo all with the help of my fellowmates at the nursery or playhome or whatever beautiful pretty lovely colourful warm little place its going to be......and also with the help of my beautiful little babies....and one thing i promise its not going to be a school....children never grow in schools....infact noone really grows in a stringent even homely school....everyone grows at home....so whatever its going to be...its going to be a home...come back home babies to mumma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weak

Yes i agree i have self esteem issues....major ones....like major major ones.....and i wear this mask of a confident woman which i can no longer wear....i could never pretend........my face ...maybe my eyes......are so reflective ....they say everything .its difficuilt ...life when you can't pretend.it spills all your secrets.I know i am a weak personality....an extrememly weak personality.......by weak i don't mean a weak person but a weak personality.....and this weakness of personalty is slowly making the person inside it weak as well.....this person has lost its youth exuberance freshness....zeal .....life ...everything......and this person doesn't see much scope for hopes........these hopes are strange beings....they have a strange way of always being in your life implicitly.....
Well you know i am too sensitive......i get hurt by the most mindless of comments ....direct or indirect and i rarely blame the person who comments....i blame myself for not realizing how stupid i am ....for not realizing that i had been in the dark till now....and i kind of thank the commentor for putting me down and telling me the truth....though the commentor mostly after a fraction of second realizes that he/she has made a hurtful one and tries to make up for it......I completely understand .....its not their fault...its a truth they couldn't help mentioning.....and i recede deeper into that shell.I am self conscious ....as in the way I look......mostly about being thin.I possess NO confidence.....I'm sure its going to surprise lots of people around me but yes NO confidence....I have perfectionist standards to meet....for my own self....which I can't ...I'm a loner...I've a poor aesthetic sense...as in I really don't possess the sense of good dressing up....unaware of brands...stuff.I see so many girls better dressed around me.......in sync with times....almost everyone.I have  this huge desire to be super slim....i always had....and i am tired of dieting......crash diets....they used to work before....now even they don't.....yes....i hate myself....i hate the way i look....the way i foolishly keep blabbering to myself  thinking that people are not noticing......i hate the fact that i just can't stop myself from talking endlessly infront of complete strangers when actually I'm actually a  quiet & thoughtful person....I just don't want to hurt people and so i end up overtalking.....and making a fool of myself.....its embarassing...humiliating and i feel like running away....i hate it when i have to put up that mask of a careless brusque confident person that i am not....probably never will be....but yes i want to be thin and that I WILL BE....I'm surprised how have i managed to preserve  that level of determination even now....after so many years....!!!!I'm surprised....

whateva......no not whateva...!!!!

kyun karti hun main itna time waste.....why cant i do anything constructive...???there were times when i used to be so driven and so committed to my work ...my aims.....what now....but now?????i am gone....ab nahi hoga na mujse ye sab......kya karun .......shall i give up....wase bhi college mey rehkar apna time waste karti hun......is being a piscean such a sin...kya karun ....mar jaun....bhaag jaun.......kya karun ab main.......ye life kitni wasted cheez hai...hum sab kitne misfits hain na..........all of us in the wrong places.....matlab zaruri hai college jaana...itna courage to shayad tha hi nahi kabhi mujhme ki main isse mukar jaun....ye saare systems jo society follow karti hai.....getting a degree.......no 4-5 degrees.......jobs....bullshit....oh ! why can't  we travel with our loved ones....to far off lands......sit by the loving sands......fly in the oceans....with waters all around ......in the storm ...in the dark.......at the sunrise at the sunset....oh i would love to.........love to be led.....and also to be able to travel my own paths.......oh ! that courage....my own charted ways..........and i want to be independent and totally independent...but i'm still not sure of this....but one thing that i m more sure of ...i want someone at the end of it all....to lean on ....to hug and to share  life with.........and this air that i breathe....and these magnetic sensousness.....and that everdying soul.....i am shit scared....i am alone...i'll die alone....oh what shall i do......no but i love being alone....but i fear sometimes it may not be good for me....not too much of it but i dont know....do i sound vague....hell the sin of being a piscean you know.........o o o ....hahahah.....this o o o thing is from hillary duff's what dreams are made of.....i love hillary duff....mostly....
love
mischelle

Tum bhi na......

pagal ho ekdum pagal.......pata hai muje bahut dar lagta hai.....sachme bahut bahut bahut zyada kabhi kabhi bahut zyada........par pata hai kya.....main kabhi kisi pe bharosa nahi kar paati....u know muje bahut shak hote hain.....and i realized.........life without trust is a living hell.....and i want to be able to trust someone blindly........someone atleast....its been a long time now since i trusted someone blindly......infact i wonder have i ever trusted anyone blindly....????nnnnooooooooo....!!!!!!survival has become such a struggle now that there us noone to trust .....i find myself receding deeper and deeper into the seas......kahin itna na doob jaun ki kabhi nikal hi na paun.....baseless fears?????? i don't know....i neva seem to get it.......i am tooo scared ....i was always toooooo scared....i never had the courage.....yes i am tooooo shy.............i am veryyyy shyyyyyyy......sometimes i feel life is fragile but my soul is old........it can bear stuff....it has always borne......but i don't want to trust its capabilities.....its tolerance.....i doubt if i can trust myself......oh life !!!!!! i am shit scared....are u going to hurt me.....are you fooling me.....i can't think that but you never know .....i can't bear to get hurt again please......i am scared to make mistakes....loads of them.....oh .....i cant confront....i willl goooo deeper and deeper .....recede tillll what i don't know....please rescue me.....save me......i am sooooo sooooooo sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........i can't see u hurt like this......i really really can't .....i saw that in your eyes.....i am   soooo soooo soooryyyyyyy.....i humiliated you like this.....i made you feel soooooo alienated.......i can neva bear to look into those hurt eyes......i am     soooooo sooooo soooorrrrryyyyyyyyy.........i am soooo soooorrryyyyy for all those months.....for alll that wasted time......but i reallllyyy neva had the courage.....this life you know....its alll about easier said than done....its all about saying and telling stuff.....u can never actually act...i can never.....i am soooo sooooo scared..........i love you so much....how willl i ever confront you now........i will run awayyyy forever forever....i want to see you once ....just once and i will run away forever......but please just be with me naaaaaa....just be around ......just be infront of my eyes.......i want to see life moving into you....life turning you out....you talking....your face.....the motions and the movements....oh is it such a sin???????.........itni badi sazaaaa........??????why why whyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
i miss you everywhere i go......

Walk away........

Teri yadein...its undisputably my favourite song.....its magical....anyways howz u long time no.....i miss you ...a lot ...indeed a lot...i miss ya a lot.....anyays howz life.....i decided to walk away....i should.....i think i should leave you alone....you two u know were perfect together...maybe are.....i wish you luck....i don't need pity ....maybe understanding that you already gave me....so that was that i guess....u two....u know when i looked like that at you two....u guys are like each other......in love .....i don't know what that look meant....maybe i'm still confused very little.....but this was best for both of us.......i will walk away....for your sake.......for mine as well.....for mostly for yours......and you need to realize what you want...u fit in with her the best..... i have to let you go.......trust me its the most loving picture i had ever seen....and i couldn't hold back....i want you to live......live with such intensity....love with such desire......drive it with such passion....i want you....i want you to...i really want you to....to see you laughing waala happy.....like hahahahahaha always.....jumping running like you always do....reflective as you are.....i love those eyes .......such reflection.....non-judjemntal understanding.....perceptive....very very perceptive flowing experience..... loved you for that.....be like that always....even better if you can be......be the way you want to be.....be you always.......you are cardinal ...i kow......you possess an everlasting zest and passion for life ......its amazing....like awsmmmm awsmmmmmmmmm........love it.....i can see life with more understanding now.....wateva.....i'll walk away......u fit in with her....u guys look great together....and whatever is beautiful should stay beautiful.......i want you two to be together....and take my life...all that i have....because i do not possess the ability to make people truly happy.....not atleast to the end....am just toooooooo..... selfish.......and i can't let you suffer because of that....actually can't let anyone suffer on those grounds.....can't hurt you like that anymore.......i know it hurts......i saw that dint of embarrassment or humiliation in those eyes.......and i can never forgive myself for making you feel that way.....after all that you have gone through......i know yours was a painful childhood.....and then your life broke to pieces....and you have....after a long struggle put together the pieces....and have now begun to run.....and i sometimes love to see you run.....u know leap......jump......spring up.......up up and up....i want you to....reallly really want you to.....so i have to turn and walk away....it will hurt me.....but i'll be happy at the end of it....if you get back your love....because that is where you belong......not here.....never here......and i never want you to compromise.......never ever be stuck with me.........fly..........run....spring up and spring down........and have so much fun.....alll the fun that this eternity has to offer ....all the life......all your life ......i want you to be happy.....i want you to live.....a million times more than me........love
mischelle

On the point of selfisness

As in how selfish can we be....me you an everyone else....we are such bastards you know ...all of us...assholes...fuckin assholes.......as in we don't really care what everyone else around us feel....to hell with their feelings...as long as we all can have fun......u know what.......i hate people...i hate it when i am forced to be the same...i guess my level of sensitivity towards others is slowly dwindling.......diminishing....what will happen i don't know....i know they are getting hurt....but i think they'll probably deal with it....!!!!!NO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH IT ...WITH IT...!!!!!!sorry diksha...sorry...as in how....how exactly do you expect them to deal with it....treat people the way you expect them to treat you...orelse don't scorn when the world doesn't treat you right...have you forgotten ...no have you??????those standards dikshA ....HAV E YOU EVER LIVED UPTO THEM ....no right no????so don't expect others to be selfless....because the truth is everyone is selfish...forget everyone....i ...myself am such a selfish rascal...that giant who selfishly eats all the dressing...and let others perish in yeast......you burning dog........u'll perish diksha ......failure...in life ......that is all you deserve....go diksha mittal rot in hell.....!!!go fuck your ass.....coz u don't even deserve hell.....get lost.......diksha mittal....u rememba what happens eventually in the cycle of selfishness.....u die...evryone dies...and it makes others around us more selfish.......more and more selfish ....and then everyone gets selfish....and then the world rots....the world perishes...the world hurts each others...wars are waged...cold and hot....barriers hatred egos created....and all of it comes to an end......everything......and life vanishes....dwindles and disappears eventually....and all that is left is ssmoke rising high...touching eternity.....go diksha go! all it takes is a token of selfless service...love ...understanding and affection...actually even one of them suffices......get lost!!!!

This strange Tech Savy World.....

i hate computers....i tell u today i tell you tomorrow.....i hate themm....i don't mind doing my projects...i mostly don't....but i hate it wen they tell me to create a power point presentation....worse still when they tell me to create a movie...i hate you ...i hate them for making me struggle like this...i hated it wen everyone was shocked on learning at NLS MUN that i didnn't how a USB porter is inserted or wateve it is...i still don't but probably i hav a brief idea now....but that time i didn't even know wat it was...probably had just heard about it....ok...and i hate people for making all the works technologically oriented..i hav difficuilty in operating pendrives....laptops new softwares....downloading movies&books (i don't even know how to download them)...although should't be that difficuilt...but frankly i can't handle presentations and moviemaking.....and i hate it wen teachers nowadays tell us to do everything on computers.....as in really i went as a reporter for nls mun thingy....all i needed to do was write.....i mean has the Beauty of Written Words lost its essence and meaning....i hate people ...i hate this technologically driven brutal unkind competitive world....and i am not tech savy...and probably there are very few people who will understand genuinely....but probably it won't matter to them as well.........but u know what i am the last person who cares ASSHOLES!!!!!GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK YOU...!!!!

fucked up life

i tell u today i tell you tomorrow...this is a ruthless world....it creates laws.....stupid strange regulations and societal conditionings .......and we are stupids...idiots infact......to fall prey to all this....this society...those bullshit psycho elderlies...what do they think...they could regulate our sexuality...our behaviors and get away with it...???????not done....this is not the way it is....and will never be the way it should it be....they obstruct natural flows....of everything...that bullshit...that's bad......and i hate it!!!!!i mean limits man!enough is enough...i have a life...let me live it....u guys have screwed me enough....to hell with you!!!!u sucked it....u destroyed my beautiful pleasures...and peace of my mind.....get away! get lost!let me live it now.....i think i should probably deserve to live...probably deserve to live the future....get the fucking hell out of my life.....YOU ASSHOLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!