Here I must mention a few things.I have always been angry about things,excessively much recently,and always hurled abuses at people things everything everyone around me.....at the air around me......and all my notes recently had a reflection of anger pitted out in them.....and I'm stuck there.I don't know why....
I want to be less angry....lesser disturbed....lesser freaked out.These mood swings .....this repetitive recession into my shell......this need for warmth......this lost control over life......its all killing me.
Well I was wondering how ambitious I used to be.....how driven to different things......how much committed to my work..........Always initiating different things....never feeling that shallowness....those irritable burdens....never lazy.....but now ????I have become a shirker.......I avoid work?I used to do things....work ...everything mindlessly....but now I don't.If I don't like it,I don't do it.That's that.And that's it.Thats being lazy.That's being lovely.And that's being fair to myself.And that's being able to breathe at the end of it all.....But yes I miss love.....and it drives me crazy......stupid....as in I wonder if there is an animal in us all....we all are barbaric in some sesnse or the other....actually innately barbaric....and all of us possess the ability of insurmountable love....and to stray as well in search of love and wramth and protection and peace.We are all assholes never to realize that.Actually see??????I told you ....anger reflected in all my notes!I am surprised at myself.....how can i be so angry.....so ridiculously barbaric......hurling abuses mindless abuses at everyone I come across.....Am i so angry with life...??so angry with my sunsign which made me so shy and compassionate ?I am surprised!
anyways hahaha....I wanted to share about my nursery school dream and here I start talking other bullshit stuff...I always felt as if I wanted to open a nursery school....better still a play school....and love my babies all day.Everything will be so pleasant ands warm and loving and gentle and innocent.I want to love my babies....as in hug them all day.....and sit in sun....we all have needs man! needs to love and to be loved !And this is neglected to a large extent in a deeply conservative country like ours...trust me in every form.....as in our way of greeting ...notions and prejudices...actually its all a different story of regulation of sexuality by society and religion by different coercive and strategic methods.The state is intelligent...isn't it?
Anyhow I love babies.and i don't want them to feel secluded all alone or unloved for any reason....I want them all to grow into contented ,happy and liberated individuals...irrespective of all reasons....with good physical and mental health.And I want to love them in every way possible...so that they don't feel unloved later.Ofcourse you know society is going to pounce upon them and impose its coercive standards upon them.....but before that I wish to help them realize their own potential....I won't have to teach them anything...I know its there within them already.I want them to feel loads of love from this age itself,its important you know it is.Actually hopefully they must already have been basking in love in their mommies' womb since 9 months and more after that....but they need to be constantly loved later on as well......and I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them stupid bullshit standards of society....actually I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them anything....even those babies have a right ....to discover their own place ....their own role...their own sense and interpretation of morality and sexuality....and I don't want oldies to interfere and decide for them....infact if parents were willing to let go off their children....let them grow independently in communians.....they will be better more inclusive and happier individuals.......parent are selfish and they are the ones standing in their children's path.....in way of their realizations.....Actually I wonder if I would be able to do that myself as a parent....as a single parent !?Did you notice I had been using the word 'my' for babies....as in do I possess them or what ...can't they have better sense of growing....just because they are babies?....no! but just wanted to help....No! diksha its never yours...stop being possessive.....I wish to try and undo all with the help of my fellowmates at the nursery or playhome or whatever beautiful pretty lovely colourful warm little place its going to be......and also with the help of my beautiful little babies....and one thing i promise its not going to be a school....children never grow in schools....infact noone really grows in a stringent even homely school....everyone grows at home....so whatever its going to be...its going to be a home...come back home babies to mumma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to be less angry....lesser disturbed....lesser freaked out.These mood swings .....this repetitive recession into my shell......this need for warmth......this lost control over life......its all killing me.
Well I was wondering how ambitious I used to be.....how driven to different things......how much committed to my work..........Always initiating different things....never feeling that shallowness....those irritable burdens....never lazy.....but now ????I have become a shirker.......I avoid work?I used to do things....work ...everything mindlessly....but now I don't.If I don't like it,I don't do it.That's that.And that's it.Thats being lazy.That's being lovely.And that's being fair to myself.And that's being able to breathe at the end of it all.....But yes I miss love.....and it drives me crazy......stupid....as in I wonder if there is an animal in us all....we all are barbaric in some sesnse or the other....actually innately barbaric....and all of us possess the ability of insurmountable love....and to stray as well in search of love and wramth and protection and peace.We are all assholes never to realize that.Actually see??????I told you ....anger reflected in all my notes!I am surprised at myself.....how can i be so angry.....so ridiculously barbaric......hurling abuses mindless abuses at everyone I come across.....Am i so angry with life...??so angry with my sunsign which made me so shy and compassionate ?I am surprised!
anyways hahaha....I wanted to share about my nursery school dream and here I start talking other bullshit stuff...I always felt as if I wanted to open a nursery school....better still a play school....and love my babies all day.Everything will be so pleasant ands warm and loving and gentle and innocent.I want to love my babies....as in hug them all day.....and sit in sun....we all have needs man! needs to love and to be loved !And this is neglected to a large extent in a deeply conservative country like ours...trust me in every form.....as in our way of greeting ...notions and prejudices...actually its all a different story of regulation of sexuality by society and religion by different coercive and strategic methods.The state is intelligent...isn't it?
Anyhow I love babies.and i don't want them to feel secluded all alone or unloved for any reason....I want them all to grow into contented ,happy and liberated individuals...irrespective of all reasons....with good physical and mental health.And I want to love them in every way possible...so that they don't feel unloved later.Ofcourse you know society is going to pounce upon them and impose its coercive standards upon them.....but before that I wish to help them realize their own potential....I won't have to teach them anything...I know its there within them already.I want them to feel loads of love from this age itself,its important you know it is.Actually hopefully they must already have been basking in love in their mommies' womb since 9 months and more after that....but they need to be constantly loved later on as well......and I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them stupid bullshit standards of society....actually I'll ensure that their moms don't teach them anything....even those babies have a right ....to discover their own place ....their own role...their own sense and interpretation of morality and sexuality....and I don't want oldies to interfere and decide for them....infact if parents were willing to let go off their children....let them grow independently in communians.....they will be better more inclusive and happier individuals.......parent are selfish and they are the ones standing in their children's path.....in way of their realizations.....Actually I wonder if I would be able to do that myself as a parent....as a single parent !?Did you notice I had been using the word 'my' for babies....as in do I possess them or what ...can't they have better sense of growing....just because they are babies?....no! but just wanted to help....No! diksha its never yours...stop being possessive.....I wish to try and undo all with the help of my fellowmates at the nursery or playhome or whatever beautiful pretty lovely colourful warm little place its going to be......and also with the help of my beautiful little babies....and one thing i promise its not going to be a school....children never grow in schools....infact noone really grows in a stringent even homely school....everyone grows at home....so whatever its going to be...its going to be a home...come back home babies to mumma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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