Tuesday, April 19, 2011

For Teek

                                                                
                                                     I



We are all assholes
Indeed we are
It hurts like hell
That feeling as if
Something is strangling
Me so hard
That I can’t seem to feel alive AGAIN

If all those who love each other could be together and all those who yearn for each other each other could express the same .Those barriers for that matter …they keep us so much apart …so much away….they cause so much hurt…so much pain.

This world has created enormous distances…as distances distance me from you.
How does it leave hope for survival of the world
For the sake of life that runs in the veins of the eternity all around me

Oh Dear Mighty  ! Let Peace prevail  ! Let there be light
Take my love …Give my love
Let it share
But how can that be if that is not it
You brake speed at every sign
Why every step sanctions divine
When I don’t feel a God beneath
When security disguises as religious shrine

Comes knocking at the door of my oblivion
I don’t know where went the fairies
They were always here with me
They were always here with me
Lullabying  me to sleep.

                                      II

Ok Listen
I’m very tensed
I know how I always bug you
How I always shock you
And then distance myself
Is it a game kind of thing ?hm?


Alright
Because I know men are donkeys
I hate them for that
Crazy they are
Idiotic I feel

I miss you like heavens miss hell
Like rains miss monsoons
Like we idiots miss face book
Like I miss staring at your updates on face book

As I miss you through this pain
It hurts each second
As I try to prove my worthiness…my decency
I am tired of this exercise…of this entire proving business….
As in why do I feel I have to

As I stand before myself facing theses clouds
As I keep digging into the unearthed rocks
The dire need for erosions struck me not once not twice but again..

This trust was always the most difficult thing to give
But as I look around this world of humans
How complex…why does it have to be so many of us….like too many cooks spoiling the broth or what?
Have we made it for ourselves Just how?
Is the world of that cute little jerky ant seriously as complex?
I wish I knew.
Thus.

As I write thus
As I go to sleep
As I lie down in bed
As I stare at your face book page.
As I stare at your DPs
As I go on all my trips tours and travels
Sitting in that ruthlessly cold and honest train
Through the awesome night –time discussions
Through that difficult scary night at Panna you would never know.
Through the long late night walks ,conversations, awesome things
I wish you were here
I wish you were just there
Sitting bullshitting
Laughing crapping writing
Observing secretly smiling that jhandu way you always did
But still I wish you were just there
Here.

                                                      III



Insomnia for instance….no wait !
Will you take responsibilty for her dark circles…..
Jerk !!!!!
Princesses have to be goodlooking and youthful you idiot!!!!!!!!!!
I know yours is an extremely busy life
but I am telling you a cute little princess is facing a lot of issues because of you....

                                                         IV

Hey I  miss you every moment …every millimoment
Every draconian time
I don’t know what to say
I am so saaaaad
My life becomes recklessly ruckus without you
I am sad because I know a lot of my desperations might just be a façade
May only be a dream…another fantasy…
Who knows!
But still as my heart craves for more
All the practicalities came rushing by
And I attempted to let them take over me
I wasn’t surprised by the futility of the attempt as I bring myself to realize again and again
That I was never meant to be grounded
Oh dear piscse! Help me breathe…….



                                                V

Because I want a man
Who loves me as much as I love him
If not more
I want a man who tears apart at the sight of me walking away
As much as I do
Because I want a man
Who misses me as intensely as I miss him
Because I want a man who treasures every moment spent with me
As much as I do


And if this can’t be
Let me be single.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Pangs of Jealousy and Acceptance


Well she is not exactly the unfortunate types.Infact she is awesome,his types!Dunno but certainly awesome!Infact actually its so great as it means lesser misery in this world,but then how does she manage to be better than me.I hate her for that!She’s not supposed to be so good!It’s not my fault that I melt at the slightest provocation,Its not my fault that I seemingly don’t have a life,It’s not my fault that I am such a loner who goes on receding into her shell……Why does she have to be so much better than me! More so,why does she have to be so nice to everyone?even me????Infact how does she manage to be so nice?I’m sad.
She’s just like him.Infact she suits him.Much better.She is very compatible with him.I think they will see it if they haven’t seen it till now that living together for them will be as simple as breathing.I have never felt this way!Infact its great that they can find love in each other,it’s a great achievement if anyone can do it to each other,but it comes as a surprise.I feel lost as always,but then those were supposed to be my own problems no!
Cmmon….all I feel is lifelessness all around.And acceptance has become a struggle.really!I wonder if it were always so…but no! I don’t think so .
I feel sad sad and sad.
And lost lost and lost.
Actually today I don’t feel that bad.But yesterday,just before sleeping ,a realization came over me.It lasted more than a moment actually.More than many seconds.And then I was fast asleep.And today amidst the hassles of waking up,I was reminded of that intuition,if that was what it is.And it was like something dawned upon me which I hadn’t been able to see because of curtains…and of course because of lack of communication and distances .Oh! Well IF he isn’t as complicated as me or maybe as he claims to be,the truth is he doesn’t love me.Maybe he never did.Whats the point.ASS I AM.I know ….koi nahi hota hai…but yaar bahut dard deke jaata hai.I miss you like hell.And I’m jealous….it grows with time.She has a firmness about her,in that sense she may not suit you…but you never know.She is definitely what I am not.
Love
Mischelle