Yes i agree i have self esteem issues....major ones....like major major ones.....and i wear this mask of a confident woman which i can no longer wear....i could never pretend........my face ...maybe my eyes......are so reflective ....they say everything .its difficuilt ...life when you can't pretend.it spills all your secrets.I know i am a weak personality....an extrememly weak personality.......by weak i don't mean a weak person but a weak personality.....and this weakness of personalty is slowly making the person inside it weak as well.....this person has lost its youth exuberance freshness....zeal .....life ...everything......and this person doesn't see much scope for hopes........these hopes are strange beings....they have a strange way of always being in your life implicitly.....
Well you know i am too sensitive......i get hurt by the most mindless of comments ....direct or indirect and i rarely blame the person who comments....i blame myself for not realizing how stupid i am ....for not realizing that i had been in the dark till now....and i kind of thank the commentor for putting me down and telling me the truth....though the commentor mostly after a fraction of second realizes that he/she has made a hurtful one and tries to make up for it......I completely understand .....its not their fault...its a truth they couldn't help mentioning.....and i recede deeper into that shell.I am self conscious ....as in the way I look......mostly about being thin.I possess NO confidence.....I'm sure its going to surprise lots of people around me but yes NO confidence....I have perfectionist standards to meet....for my own self....which I can't ...I'm a loner...I've a poor aesthetic sense...as in I really don't possess the sense of good dressing up....unaware of brands...stuff.I see so many girls better dressed around me.......in sync with times....almost everyone.I have this huge desire to be super slim....i always had....and i am tired of dieting......crash diets....they used to work before....now even they don't.....yes....i hate myself....i hate the way i look....the way i foolishly keep blabbering to myself thinking that people are not noticing......i hate the fact that i just can't stop myself from talking endlessly infront of complete strangers when actually I'm actually a quiet & thoughtful person....I just don't want to hurt people and so i end up overtalking.....and making a fool of myself.....its embarassing...humiliating and i feel like running away....i hate it when i have to put up that mask of a careless brusque confident person that i am not....probably never will be....but yes i want to be thin and that I WILL BE....I'm surprised how have i managed to preserve that level of determination even now....after so many years....!!!!I'm surprised....
Well you know i am too sensitive......i get hurt by the most mindless of comments ....direct or indirect and i rarely blame the person who comments....i blame myself for not realizing how stupid i am ....for not realizing that i had been in the dark till now....and i kind of thank the commentor for putting me down and telling me the truth....though the commentor mostly after a fraction of second realizes that he/she has made a hurtful one and tries to make up for it......I completely understand .....its not their fault...its a truth they couldn't help mentioning.....and i recede deeper into that shell.I am self conscious ....as in the way I look......mostly about being thin.I possess NO confidence.....I'm sure its going to surprise lots of people around me but yes NO confidence....I have perfectionist standards to meet....for my own self....which I can't ...I'm a loner...I've a poor aesthetic sense...as in I really don't possess the sense of good dressing up....unaware of brands...stuff.I see so many girls better dressed around me.......in sync with times....almost everyone.I have this huge desire to be super slim....i always had....and i am tired of dieting......crash diets....they used to work before....now even they don't.....yes....i hate myself....i hate the way i look....the way i foolishly keep blabbering to myself thinking that people are not noticing......i hate the fact that i just can't stop myself from talking endlessly infront of complete strangers when actually I'm actually a quiet & thoughtful person....I just don't want to hurt people and so i end up overtalking.....and making a fool of myself.....its embarassing...humiliating and i feel like running away....i hate it when i have to put up that mask of a careless brusque confident person that i am not....probably never will be....but yes i want to be thin and that I WILL BE....I'm surprised how have i managed to preserve that level of determination even now....after so many years....!!!!I'm surprised....
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