Pangs of Jealousy and Acceptance

Well she is not exactly the unfortunate types.Infact she is awesome,his types!Dunno but certainly awesome!Infact actually its so great as it means lesser misery in this world,but then how does she manage to be better than me.I hate her for that!She’s not supposed to be so good!It’s not my fault that I melt at the slightest provocation,Its not my fault that I seemingly don’t have a life,It’s not my fault that I am such a loner who goes on receding into her shell……Why does she have to be so much better than me! More so,why does she have to be so nice to everyone?even me????Infact how does she manage to be so nice?I’m sad.

She’s just like him.Infact she suits him.Much better.She is very compatible with him.I think they will see it if they haven’t seen it till now that living together for them will be as simple as breathing.I have never felt this way!Infact its great that they can find love in each other,it’s a great achievement if anyone can do it to each other,but it comes as a surprise.I feel lost as always,but then those were supposed to be my own problems no!

Cmmon….all I feel is lifelessness all around.And acceptance has become a struggle.really!I wonder if it were always so…but no! I don’t think so .

I feel sad sad and sad.

And lost lost and lost.

Actually today I don’t feel that bad.But yesterday,just before sleeping ,a realization came over me.It lasted more than a moment actually.More than many seconds.And then I was fast asleep.And today amidst the hassles of waking up,I was reminded of that intuition,if that was what it is.And it was like something dawned upon me which I hadn’t been able to see because of curtains…and of course because of lack of communication and distances .Oh! Well IF he isn’t as complicated as me or maybe as he claims to be,the truth is he doesn’t love me.Maybe he never did.Whats the point.ASS I AM.I know ….koi nahi hota hai…but yaar bahut dard deke jaata hai.I miss you like hell.And I’m jealous….it grows with time.She has a firmness about her,in that sense she may not suit you…but you never know.She is definitely what I am not.

Love

Mischelle