Tum bhi na......

pagal ho ekdum pagal.......pata hai muje bahut dar lagta hai.....sachme bahut bahut bahut zyada kabhi kabhi bahut zyada........par pata hai kya.....main kabhi kisi pe bharosa nahi kar paati....u know muje bahut shak hote hain.....and i realized.........life without trust is a living hell.....and i want to be able to trust someone blindly........someone atleast....its been a long time now since i trusted someone blindly......infact i wonder have i ever trusted anyone blindly....????nnnnooooooooo....!!!!!!survival has become such a struggle now that there us noone to trust .....i find myself receding deeper and deeper into the seas......kahin itna na doob jaun ki kabhi nikal hi na paun.....baseless fears?????? i don't know....i neva seem to get it.......i am tooo scared ....i was always toooooo scared....i never had the courage.....yes i am tooooo shy.............i am veryyyy shyyyyyyy......sometimes i feel life is fragile but my soul is old........it can bear stuff....it has always borne......but i don't want to trust its capabilities.....its tolerance.....i doubt if i can trust myself......oh life !!!!!! i am shit scared....are u going to hurt me.....are you fooling me.....i can't think that but you never know .....i can't bear to get hurt again please......i am scared to make mistakes....loads of them.....oh .....i cant confront....i willl goooo deeper and deeper .....recede tillll what i don't know....please rescue me.....save me......i am sooooo sooooooo sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........i can't see u hurt like this......i really really can't .....i saw that in your eyes.....i am   soooo soooo soooryyyyyyy.....i humiliated you like this.....i made you feel soooooo alienated.......i can neva bear to look into those hurt eyes......i am     soooooo sooooo soooorrrrryyyyyyyyy.........i am soooo soooorrryyyyy for all those months.....for alll that wasted time......but i reallllyyy neva had the courage.....this life you know....its alll about easier said than done....its all about saying and telling stuff.....u can never actually act...i can never.....i am soooo sooooo scared..........i love you so much....how willl i ever confront you now........i will run awayyyy forever forever....i want to see you once ....just once and i will run away forever......but please just be with me naaaaaa....just be around ......just be infront of my eyes.......i want to see life moving into you....life turning you out....you talking....your face.....the motions and the movements....oh is it such a sin???????.........itni badi sazaaaa........??????why why whyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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i miss you everywhere i go......